What you do in this moment is what matters most

Your now becomes your past and shapes your future

In the early morning hours of January 1, 2012, I was driving a buddy home from a New Year’s Eve party. Shortly after pulling into a gas station to refuel, I observed two police officers violently yank a woman out the passenger seat of a vehicle during a routine traffic stop. Although I was no expert in the law, it was apparent that the woman had done nothing to warrant such an assault. And in that moment, I had a choice to make: I could stand by and do nothing, or I could try to stop the abuse. 

Our life consists of a series of moments. The overwhelming majority of those moments are mundane and forgettable. The remaining, small minority of moments, stand out and give shape to our understanding of who we are and what we have done with our time on earth. 

I yelled at the cops, “Why are you pulling her out of the car?” 

One of the cops responded, “Hey don’t worry about it. Worry about yourself. Worry about yourself!” 

I continued to yell, “… she’s not a risk to you … what’s wrong with you guys?” 

After they handcuffed the woman and walked her to one of the police cars, the same cop then turned around and quickly approached me, shoving me in the chest and yelling at me some more. He put me in a chokehold, took me to the ground, and arrested me. I later found out that I was charged with Felony Harassment of a Public Servant, which carries a 2-10 year prison sentence if convicted.

This was the moment when I knew I was in trouble

The moments that stand out and give shape to our lives are rarely good or bad unto themselves. They are deemed good or bad based on the context of the situation and those who assign meaning to it. This helps explain why a person (e.g., businessperson, politician, activist) may be revered by millions of people while simultaneously being reviled by millions of others.

In part because of my background, which includes being a West Point graduate and an Iraq War veteran, the story of my arrest was picked up by local news. Unsurprisingly, those who support the police tended to want to see me punished, and those who believed that policing is often oppressive generally sided with me. But surprisingly to me, a fair number of people I had considered friends distanced themselves from me, and some of my fellow West Point alumni were quite vocal in stating that I was the one who acted disgracefully.

Each of the defining or pivotal moments that carry tremendous weight in the story of our lives was at one time the current moment of our life. Such moments are often meaningful because they served as an earnest expression of the fullest ideal of who we were at that time. 

In the spring of 2013, I testified to the grand jury that was tasked with deciding whether to indict me. When one of the members asked me if I regretted my actions given my follow on arrest, I told them that at West Point we were often lectured on what honor was, and about the importance of doing the harder right over the easier wrong. But New Year’s Day 2012 was the first time I was presented with the choice of putting my personal safety at risk to stand up for someone who was being harmed. I told them, yes, I would do it again. 

Some people live their lives rehashing the same moments over and over again, whether it is tales of high school glory, youthful adventures, or academic and professional accomplishments. But it is what one does in this moment that matters most, not what one did in the past. Past moments may help give color to who we are, but it is what we choose to believe in and act upon right now that determines what the next pivotal moment is.     

The fallout from the initial arrest consumed me for the next seven years of my life. I could have felt a sense of moral satisfaction over the fact that I stood up for someone else that one time, and then stepped back into the shadows. But after numerous people came to me and shared their personal experiences of police brutality or corruption, I teamed with local activists to launch the Peaceful Streets Project, a grassroots organization that prioritized know your rights trainings and copwatches. After that, I frequently found myself in precarious situations with aggressive police, and far more often than not I opted to stand up again, rather than back down. I was subsequently arrested five more times. 

By the end of 2019, the ubiquity of smartphones meant that bystanders would frequently film the police during interactions with the public. My life no longer revolved around copwatching and associated court cases. 

The most demanding moments demand the most of us. Meanwhile, the great majority of moments barely demand our attention. But we rarely know in advance which moments will have the greatest impact on our lives, or on the lives of those around us.

Since my initial arrest, I earned an additional master’s degree in education and started an alternative school. I navigated that school community through four years of pandemic without a single case of COVID-19. And most importantly, I got married and had a child. I do not know what future moments will prove the most consequential, but I will try to tilt the odds toward a life well lived by focusing on being fully present right now in this moment.

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Favorite books of 2023

I read 117 books this past year. Of those, 40 of the books were for very young children because I have a young child who I read to when they allow it. Of the remaining 77 books, here are some of the ones that really stood out to me (in alphabetical order).

A People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn
Why I loved it: History is typically written by the victors. Historians are not all-knowing, nor are they unbiased. Most history books, meanwhile, are biased heavily in favor of power. Zinn does a fabulous job of presenting the history of the United States from the perspective of multiple marginalized and oppressed groups, and of highlighting how persistently power chose violence to shut down movements against oppression and injustice. 

All American Boys by Jason Reynolds and Brendan Kiely
Why I loved it: One cannot fully understand the institution of policing without diving into issues of race. All American Boys is a very accessible young adult novel that allows people to begin to grapple with both topics. This book is The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas good.

Benjamin Franklin: An American Life by Walter Isaacson
Why I loved it: Of all the so-called Founding Fathers, Franklin is the most interesting character to me, and is second only to Thomas Paine in terms of respect I have for his works. Isaacson does a fine job walking us through Franklin’s remarkable life without glossing over some of his serious flaws and failings. 

Confessions of an Economic Hit Man by John Perkins
Why I loved it: This book sounds like the rantings of a conspiracy theorist who thinks that the fate of individual nations is dictated or manipulated by the all-powerful United States government and the Corporatocracy—a lattice of corporations, banks, and governments—that work to advance global empire for the benefit of economically and politically connected wealthy individuals and families. And while some of the stories he shares may have been embellished, it is directionally correct. Perkins helps show the other, more tragic side of foreign aid, development, loans, and intervention. An excellent read for anyone who is trying to make sense of their work within those institutions, and a must read for anyone who is considering making a living in that world.

The Enchanted Hour: The Miraculous Power of Reading Aloud in the Age of Distraction by Meghan Cox Gurdon 
Why I loved it: Reading to children is not the solution to the problems thrown at kids in our hyperconnected world, nor is it the fast path to advanced cognitive development and elite college admissions. But it is still pretty great. And this book details many reasons why. I particularly enjoyed this reason: “And then there is the giving of self. When we read to other people, we show them that they matter to us, that we want to expand time and attention and energy in order to bring them something good.”

The Fund: Ray Dalio, Bridgewater Associates, and the Unraveling of a Wall Street Legend by Rob Copeland
Why I loved it: Ray Dalio has been lifted up as a genius leader who lives life by rock solid principles that allowed him to grow Bridgewater Associates into the largest hedge fund in the world. Well, he was successful at growing his hedge fund, but it was also simultaneously an abusive cult and Copeland does a wonderful job of exposing it as such. A fun read.

Growing Up in Public: Coming of Age in a Digital World by Devorah Heitner 
Why I loved it: Heitner explores the challenges and opportunities faced by today's youth growing up in the age of social media and constant connectivity. Heitner delves into the complexities of navigating online spaces, offering guidance to parents and educators on supporting children in developing healthy relationships with technology. The book delves into issues of digital citizenship, privacy, and the impact of technology on social interactions, empowering adults to help young people thrive in a digital society.

Neuroqueer Heresies: Notes on the Neurodiversity Paradigm, Autistic Empowerment, and Postnormal Possibilities by Nick Walker
Why I loved it: Too many educators and parents believe that autism is a defect to be fixed in the individual, abdicating their responsibility of transforming spaces so that autistic and neurodivergent people are able to fully participate and thrive within them. Walker clearly defines neurodiversity related concepts and then proposes a shift to a neurodiversity paradigm that embraces diverse neurological experiences as valuable and valid. 

No More Police: A Case for Abolition by Mariame Kaba and Andrea J. Ritchie
Why I loved it: Through No More Police, Kaba and Ritchie respond to the uncritical demand of opponents of abolition to provide a blueprint for a utopian society free of crime. Through a Black feminist lens, they instead highlight the limitations of exclusion and reform, push back against the false narrative that abolitionists are not concerned about protecting the most vulnerable, and emphasize the need for actively laboring toward the future we want. 

Resisting Illegitimate Authority: A Thinking Person’s Guide to Being an Anti-Authoritarian—Strategies, Tools, and Models by Bruce E. Levine
Why I loved it: Levine uses the stories of a wide variety of Americans to highlight the challenges of living life as an anti-authoritiarian in a society that claims to celebrate challenges to illegitimate authority, but aggressively, and often violently, attacks the freedoms of anti-authoritarians. Levine provides tactics and strategies for navigating power structures in society and living an anti-authoritarian life.

The Swimmers by Julie Otsuka 
Why I loved it: An engaging story that initially seems to be about a motley crew of regular swimmers at an indoor pool who suddenly find themselves without access to the pool. However, the story shifts to a focus on one of the swimmers who is trying to maintain her routines as dementia takes hold, and the relationship she has with her daughter. A very touching book and one that hits hard for those who had loved ones with dementia.

We Want Them Infected: How the failed quest for herd immunity led doctors to embrace the anti-vaccine movement and blinded Americans to the threat of COVID by Jonathan Howard
Why I loved it: This book, written by a doctor, focuses on opportunistic doctors who helped shape and drive narratives that fueled the pro-infection culture wars that were amazingly successful in convincing much of American society; and in turn local, state, and the Federal government, along with public health agencies; to turn their backs on the vulnerable and embrace a “return to normal” of ableism, classism, and racism. The book captures so well the horrid, intellectually dishonest, unethical, ever changing and hypocritical claims by people who ostensibly believe that one should first, do no harm.

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
Why I loved it: A lovely memoir by a neurosurgeon who receives a terminal cancer diagnosis and is left trying to reflect on his life, and decide how to make the most of the time that remains. He shares this note to his infant baby before he passes: “When you come to one of the many moments in life where you must give an account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, and done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man’s days with a sated joy, a joy unknown to me in all my prior years, a joy that does not hunger for more and more, but rests, satisfied. In this time, right now, that is an enormous thing.” 

When We Cease to Understand the World by Benjamín Labatut
Why I loved it: This book is unlike any I have ever read before. Part fact, part fiction, it weaves together the stories of some of the mathematicians and physicists who reshaped the world in the 20th century, for better or worse (and dangerously so).